Listen
Nothing is as valuable as the ability to listen to someone tell you their story. If you’re too busy thinking about how you are going to respond, you’re not listening. Slow down, calm your thoughts, concentrate on what they are saying.
When you do speak, respond to what was said with a question about that topic. For example, “So you think that’s how we should do this?” or “You sound like you really love doing…”
Create space for the other person to speak. Your sense of significance can handle being silent and interested. You will attract people when you do this, especially if you do it in a way that is…
Non-judgmental
When we connect with someone we both risk feeling one of our three fears. We fear not being enough, not belonging and not being loved. The person speaking with you is feeling this, so make it easy for them… don’t judge. Allow them to air their quirky-ness and opinions and be interested. If you notice your mind wondering to judgemental thoughts, bring them back to thoughts of compassion and tolerance. If you do this you will be a people magnet. Nothing is more attractive than tolerance.
Take criticism
Nobody likes it yet it is a fact of life. Instead of responding with defensiveness, simply ask for clarity about what the person is saying, and thank them. Nothing else. Getting caught up in the injustice of their comments is pointless… it is only an opinion. It has no weight in your life unless you allow to.
Maintain eye contact
People who avoid eye contact are perceived as being less trustworthy. Make sure you look at the person you are connecting with at least as often as they look at you. If you feel uncomfortable at first, persist. People appreciate the contact. Keep your gaze relaxed rather than fixed and remember to blink.
Match body language
When you talk with someone, match most of their body language, including how they rest their arms and how they sit in the chair. Don’t mimic every gesture, just enough so that they feel comfortable with you.
People are attracted to people they like and people who they want to be like
Smile
Facial expressions reveal plenty about someone. If you want to attract positive people then you need to present yourself the same way. Match their smile.
What Goes Wrong
Getting
The problem is that many people think that relationships are great if they get what they want from them, rather than what they can give. They measure success in relationships based on their receipt of affirmation of themselves. They feel loved when someone is loving them. rather than when they are giving love.
The fact is, we cannot experience the love of another. It is impossible to feel the love of another. We can experience someone’s act of love, but can only feel our own feelings.
