It's not how hard you fall...

We've all heard the expression it's not how hard you fall it's how gracefully you get back up?

Well I had a very humbling lesson last week that sometimes it's how graciously you accept a hand to help you up too. I write this article with a bit of hesitation. We’re meant to keep our puddle moments to ourselves. Please bear my indulgence as I hope to remind anyone feeling low it’s not just OK to pause and look after yourself, it’s essential.

We belong to what I believe is the best community in the world. We cheer each other on, we hold each other accountable and our ethos is humble servitude asking what more can I do. The first important lesson is it's never about you, it's about the client. Never, that is, while working. It has to be about us sometimes or that mini me or shadow, whatever you choose to call it can get narky and raise it's head til it's paid it's due respects.

Well that's what happened to me if I may share an important lesson in being OK with my vulnerable side. With some brilliant results for the new financial year I was on a wave of activity and servitude, absolutely loving it! Somewhere in the hype of it all I confess I forgot to check in with me; the quiet me, the vulnerable me.

Life can be so ridiculously noisy and fast these days, Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Tinder, emails, webinars, recordings, there's always something to catch up on. On the train, waiting in line, in the elevator, it’s surprising there aren’t more neck complaints we’re looking down so much.

Have we forgotten how to connect with the simple joy in the silence of a moment?

Well I'll be the first to confess I did, and the result was not pretty. My best friend grabbing me for an urgent wine as I sat a blubbering mess with so much noise in my head I couldn't think. A dozen snotty tissues later we sat in reflective silence for a while to which my friend asked when I'd last really just sat in the moment? Bloody good question. She could be a life coach. We laughed at the irony of how many times I'd told people feeling down to grab a dog and head to the beach. Best happy pill ever.  Somehow in the busyness of life my weekend walks had become a mission to exercise and get back to busy.

So a reminder for me that hopefully may get you checking in with yourself too. Four simple ways to look after yourself so you're primed to serve others even more.

1. Greet yourself in the morning like you do your best friend.

When you look at yourself in the mirror do you see the parts of you? Sheez, the eyes are baggy this morning, dam, is that a grey hair? I look so pale, better get some sunlight today. Or do you look at your gorgeous self and say good morning with a beaming smile? I did this morning and had a jolly good giggle with myself, what a great way to start the day!

2. Put the phone down.

Not for ever, just don't let it be the first thing you reach for in the morning, enjoy some silence. A cup of tea sitting outside listening to the birds. Go for a walk without the earphones in. I'm the first to say I always have trainings on, on the train, in the car, at home. Make some time for old fashioned silence.

3. Reach out to a friend and ask for help when you need it.

Here’s a secret, occasionally I don’t have all my shit sorted. There, I’ve said it. My clients don’t need to know it and definitely don’t need to see or hear about it. There’s a gift in opening up and asking for help occasionally. Sometimes we’re so deep in it we don’t notice it’s just a puddle.

4.  Have a holiday that charges the batteries.

Whether it's a trek through nature, lying on the beach or exploring the back streets of an exotic town, do it. I haven't had a holiday for two years, I was too busy and there was too much fun to be had here anyway. 

So what are some ways you look after yourself?

How do you take time to charge the batteries so you can be totally present for your clients?

Here’s to your health

The Law of Reciprocity

Dr. Robert Cialdini has spent his entire career researching the science of influence, earning him an international reputation as an expert in the fields of persuasion, compliance, and negotiation.

His books including, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, have shaped marketing and sales throughout the world.

Direct response marketers consider his book the ‘101’ of marketing and where anyone who wants to generate interest and desire in their products and service must start.

He created a list of 6 ‘laws of influence’ which marketers and sales consultants (who are smart) are familiar with and know how to bring into their sales processes:

1.      The Law of Reciprocity

2.      The Law of Commitment and Consistency

3.      The Law if Liking

4.      The Law of Authority

5.      The Law of Scarcity

6.      The Law of Social Proof

Cialdini’s first principle of persuasion states that we human beings are wired to basically want to return favours and pay back our debts. In short… to treat others as they’ve treated us.

This idea of reciprocity tells us that people by nature feel obliged to provide discounts, concessions or others forms of reciprocity to others if they’ve received favours from those others.

Psychology explains this by stressing that we humans simply do not like to feel indebted to other people.

Cialdini in Marketing

Let me start by saying, using these laws is ethical, as long as the claim you make is true. If you’re easily offended by the idea of there being a sales process in place for a business to increase its sales, then it’s probably best to stop reading.

Marketing is all about persuading people to buy the product or the service of the business. Brand advertising is not using Cialdini’s laws. Direct response marketing does.

Direct marketing is giving value in return for action from the market. That action can take the form of:

·         A person opting into a web site in return for a free ‘something’ and thus becoming a prospect

·         A prospect receives an opportunity to join a webinar, by opting into the registration page for the webinar

·         The marketer sends an email with a link to a video containing content that helps the prospect

·         The marketer writes a blog containing great value for their market

·         The marketer posts a link on their facebook page about something they have that may be useful, like a checklist, and fans can click on the link and go to the checklist

All of these examples require the prospect to do something – to take some action.

As a result of this, they become more engrossed with the interaction, they follow the story you tell them, they enjoy the value they receive and they attach high-value to you and what you’re about.

Given we can’t compete with ‘brand advertising’, this sounds like a great way to go.

And all of it relies on Cialdini’s laws – all of them.

Reciprocity in Marketing

What if you offer something cool in return for an individual’s contact details? This will then give you the opportunity to build a relationship with them over time. Not everyone is ready to make a buying decision straight away. But over time, by giving great value, when they are ready to buy, you are going to be positioned as a much stronger contender for being chosen than the competitor who only sent one piece of information.

A great example of this is what we do (and it works really well):

Let’s say that you run a popular blog that offers its readers highly actionable and practical information that makes their lives better. It’s offered for free, and all they have to do is visit your site and absorb the details. Based on this, your visitors are going to feel more obligated to buy something from you.

All of these examples share one commonality – they are using the Law of Reciprocity.

By providing something great to someone, the marketer is creating the tension within the prospect that the relationship is out of balance. To put things back into balance, the prospect will have to take some action, of some type.

This action can take the form of:

1.       Telling people how great it is

2.       Buying something

3.       Continuing to follow the emails/posts etc and ‘like’ articles

Whatever the action, it is the prospect ‘reciprocating’ for what the marketer has done for them.

Is there all there is to sales? No, of course not. The product or service must be great, and desired. 

There are competitors you need to stand away from and never been seen to be ‘one of many’. There’s the importance of the follow up process you have, and your ability to repeat this cycle for everyone with consistency.

But it does increase sales.

We have many people comment to us, ‘I loved everything you sent me. Especially the chocolates.’

And this: ‘You have shown the most interest in me of all the schools I looked at. Of course I had to choose you.’

And this: ‘You guys are different to the rest. You care.’

All of this forms a picture in their minds of how it will be once they’ve joined.

The key, of course, is to ensure that this is true!

The Law of Reciprocity at its Heart

Since I began coaching, I’ve given away my best stuff, for free.

I didn’t do it to ‘get clients’.

I did it because I was so grateful that people appreciated what I had. I feel in love with giving, because it felt so good.

As a result of this, and not by design, people began to come to me in droves. Coaches would demand to know how I became so successful.

Very few actually acted on the answers I gave. I received (often!) comments like this: ‘But if I give my best stuff away, why would anyone buy from me?’

That mentality is why I succeed.

That’s it, right there. So many people are so worried about what they have, and fear losing it, they hoard it.

They don’t see that by giving it away, they become an irresistible force.

It’s simple. If most people are hoarding what they’ve got, I’m going to do something else.

I call it the Law of Zag.

If marketers are going to zig, I’m going to do something else.

As a result of this, more marketers in our industry are learning the power of giving, and are doing it.

So we’ve moved our ‘free line’ even further out, and are now giving away valuable intellectual property to people who are not students.

This has the effect of raising the bar on the ‘free line’ (more must be given to be seen to be valuable and trusted), and also, it means we have to get better to be able to match what we give with even more value when someone joins us.

I consider this a complete win for our members.

I love this law.