3 Reasons most people give up on Success

Everyone wants to be successful.

And everyone has their own definition of what success means.

For some people success means riches, fame and status.

For others it’s all about appreciation, making a difference and creating change.

As coaches we’re in the small group of people who get the chance to have both.

We have the skill and expertise to help literally hundreds of people combined with the commercial reality that what we know is in really high demand.

Coaching is about helping people step into their dreams. But what about your dreams?

Here are my top three reasons that most people give up on success.

#1 They realise Success is hard work!

People often say they want success.

Then along the way they realise it takes consistency, discipline & often doing things they don’t want to do.

This old saying is still true – “If it was easy then everyone would be doing it…” Success is earned not given and if you want it then you need to be prepared to fight for it.

#2 They try to figure it all out alone

Successful people are often surrounded by successful people.

Stick with your mentors. Follow the people that have the results you want.

If someone else has a successful strategy then model what they do and expect the same results.

Be open and vulnerable with the people closest to you. You’ll need them the most on your journey to success.

#3 They feel the Fear

If there's anything that can truly freeze a person in their tracks and stop them from ever achieving the success they deserve its fear.

Fear is designed to protect us. It’s designed to help us stop and think before making a decision.

But once you’ve made a decision there’s no room left for fear. You have to step forward, stick by your decisions and follow your actions through to the outcome.

Remember if your definition of Success is true, then these three roadblocks will never stand in your way.

They are definitely obstacles, but with a big enough “reason WHY” they should be easy to navigate around.

10 Things that keep Happy People HAPPY

Happiness is one of the greatest gifts you can master.

You can keep it for yourself

You can inspire it in your friends and family

You can even give it to a stranger.

But I want to share with you some of the little simple “tricks” happy people use to make sure they stay happy.

Get stuff done

It feels great to tick things off your list. Whether it’s something that’s been sitting there for a long time, or just going a simple good deed. Get it done and acknowledge how good it feels.

Express Gratitude

Show people the gratitude they deserve. Never assume that someone knows how much they mean to you. Tell them and make their day.

Listen to music

Your favourite song has the most profound effect on you, have you noticed? Turn it up. Go wild. Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one can hear.

Connect with nature

Go for a walk or even just find somewhere lovely to sit and observe the world for a while. Things move too fast. Just stop, embrace the busy, feel the wind in your hair and hear the rustle of the trees.

Learn something new

New skills give you the power to control new things. Learn something that will help you master an area of your life. Look at mindfulness, happiness, finances or a language.

Smile

Smiling is the simplest thing you can do to feel happy. I relaxes the face. Stretches the muscles, and fires off the neurotransmitters releasing happy hormones. Try it in front of the mirror and watch as you feel better by the moment.

Tell someone you love them

Vulnerability is the greatest strength. And it comes with the greatest rewards. Try it. Share it with a friend. Someone you’ve never said it to before or someone you haven’t said it to often enough. It’s ok to practise in front of the mirror.

Be creative

Unleash that passion, be free, create something that only has meaning for you. It’s important that we’re using both sides of our brain. Keep that creative spirit active.

Hang out with a passionate, positive & driven people

Being in the presence of awesome people is inspiring and it tends to rub off on you. Try spending time with people that are as happy as you want to be. Spend time with people who get results(link is external). Spend time with people who know what they want.

Do a random act of kindness

We were meant to be with others, care about, love and help others. I've put this last on the list so it's the last thing you read and the first thing you now go and do!

10 Leadership traits most people miss

Leadership. We’ve all heard about it. We’ve all experienced it. But what have we really learnt about it.

Leaders come from two distinct places.

Those that were born with a natural talent to lead.

And those that grow into their potential.

In our team, everyone is a leader. We develop people from day one to create the career and the job of their dreams. No position is out of reach.

You can be a leader of others. A leader of a team (including your family). A leader of self. Or a leader of projects.

Great leaders are always growing. They never put the book(link is external) down. They’re always looking for the next level.

“When you’re green you’re growing. When you’re ripe you’re rotting” Ray Kroc 

 Here’s a list that’s the perfect starting point for all of us. Let me know which ones you’ve already embraced and are rocking at. 

1. Take Responsibility
   Leaders never blame. They never make excuses. They always learn what they can and move on to the next big thing. Take responsibility for yourself and if you’re ready – for your team as well.

2. Learn how to give and GET great feedback
   Leaders are open to getting real feedback. People have the difficult conversations with leaders because they know they’ll be heard. They know that change will happen because the feedback is truly valued.   

3. Leave your shit at the door
   Leaders leave their personal life at the door. You’ll never know when a leader is having a bad day. They do what they need to do and support the people that need help. (That said every leader still needs somewhere and someone to support them)

4. Take care of yourself – be the example of health and well being
   Leaders are among the healthiest and most disciplined members of our society. They take care of themselves so that when it counts they have the energy and mental stamina they need to perform.

5. Acknowledge the strengths of the people around you
   You don’t have to know everything. You don’t need to be great at everything. You do need to know your teams strengths and weaknesses so that you can harness the full potential of the everyone. 

6. Delegate liberally – your team will develop faster with opportunities to learn and grow
   Hanging onto responsibility and tasks, isn’t good for you or your team. You get bogged down and your team doesn’t get their chance to shine. Start small and keep giving them more and more responsibility. Don’t be afraid to let go of control.

7. Acknowledge your failuresLeaders don’t need to be perfect. How you recover from your failures will become your biggest differentiator. Learn to be great at recovering. Learn to be humble.

8. Listen, Ask Questions, Seek to UnderstandListen. Give people your presence. You are never too busy to hear something important. Seek to understand before you give advice or make a decision.

9. Keep reading(link is external)!   Harry S. Truman — 'Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers.'
10. Create an incredible knowledge library. You don’t have to read everything but you do need to constantly implement what you’re reading. Learn from great minds and see what you can create using their methods.

10. Teach others how to lead and encourage a culture of leadership developmentNothing is more rewarding than creating the next generation of leaders. They influence so many people and create some of the most incredible outcomes. Leadership is a gift. Pass it on to someone else. 

7 tips to Mastering Self Control

There’s so many skills in this life to master but of the most valuable and often overlooked skills is “Self Control”.

For me mastering self control, means mastering self discipline, dedication, patience, big picture thinking and most importantly commitment.

In coaching we all need this powerful skill to truly serve our clients. But how many people do you know that have completely mastered it?

Here’s my seven steps to Mastering Self Control.

1. Develop your Self Awareness muscle.

The more you know yourself the better you can set yourself up for success.  Learn the things that you do without thinking – these will give you an amazing insight to the beliefs that are hiding underneath the everyday routines. 

A quick example could be - Do you wake up grumpy or happy? If you’re one of those people who wake up grumpy then have a think about where that came from…did you see your parent wake up this way as a child? Maybe you heard the words “I don’t do mornings” come from one of your favourite people. Perhaps it was a cartoon that left an impression?  Having awareness of your beliefs means you can change them to be better ones. 

Another aspect of self awareness worth considering is the impact it has on the environment and people around you. How wonderful would it be to know that you can create the exact environment you want by being the change you wish to see in it.

2. Keep the promises you make to yourself. Trust.

Many of us value our word so deeply that we hold ourselves strictly accountable to the promises we make to others. How is it then that when it comes to keeping the promises we make to ourselves we let ourselves off the hook so easily? 

When you break a promise to yourself it’s like your saying “I’m not that important” when in fact you are. You’ll boost so many positive qualities by keeping your promises like self-confidence, self-esteem, self trust. It’s important that you know that you’re a reliable friend to yourself and you can count on you.

3. Have behavioural flexibility.

With flexibility comes choice. The person who has the most choice therefore has the most influence in any system. If you want to exercise a profound level of self control mastery then harness the power of behavioural flexibility is a must. 

The person with behavioural flexibility is not fazed by circumstance because they know they can try something else and if that doesn’t work…you guessed it, they can try something else. What this creates is the ability to be responsive to a situation rather than reactive. 

This is one of the first things we learn in our coaching journey and often is the key to the most profound change we experience in our lives. 

4. Model Excellence.

Regardless of how amazing your life might be right now we were not designed to settle, it’s in our very nature to strive for the more we know we have inside our self.  

We have so many people who have walked before us and achieved great results. Rather than reinvent the wheel we stand on their shoulders as Isaac Newton put it “on the shoulder of giants” and from there we model the behaviours, the beliefs and the disciplines and we do this quietly until we achieve their results. It is then that we can take it to the next level and become the model of excellence for others too.

5. Outcome and Solution focused.

Let’s start with the contrast…you know, that person who speaks only in problem. It’s the crappy weather, it’s the cost of living, it’s the limitations of the world…it’s sooooooooo boring isn’t it? If that’s you then I gotta say. Stop it. Really, it’s a do not pass go do not collect $200 strategy. 

How does this person master self control? They don’t…there’s no behavioural flexibility; it’s definitely not modelling excellence and a minuscule level of self-awareness. 

We use a model called E.S.I.P and it’s the perfect tool for not only developing the business but for developing each individual person. Right at the top of the model sit’s “E” it’s for Environment. 

This is where we see the outcome we want to achieve, the purpose of the outcome, the thinking, the mindset, the standards and the attitude we need to bring to achieve the outcome.

Imagine an internal environment where you have the ability to focus in such a powerful frame of possibilities. Imagine the choices this opens up for you. It’s huge. 

6. Delay Gratification.

It’s very easy to give in to the desires that make you feel good. This could be anything and has been many a different thing to different people. Here’s where a true measure of self control comes in.  Can you stand before the desires that give you short term gratification and resist them for those things that give you long term rewards?

Brian Tracy puts it brilliantly “The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term, is the indispensable prerequisite for success.”

If we go back to #4 modelling success we will find that the people who have mastered self control have most certainly mastered this. This is not to say that you will never experience immediate short term gratification for the rest of your life but for where it counts, where you want the results, there is no short cut, it’s consistent everyday practice to the road to self mastery.

7. Consistent Action.

It’s a theme throughout everything you’ll read whether it be in this blog, any other blogs out there on the Internet, the millions of Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram or Twitter quotes in your feed. One thing is for certain to succeed in anything you need to take consistent action. 

I recently read someone cool say that to master any topic, read for 30 minutes on it everyday, and in 7 years you’ll be there. Bruce Lee also said he didn’t fear the man who knew 10,000 kicks but the man who had practiced one kick 10,000 times.

We all know that when we practice something over and over again consistently we get really really good at it. 

Now I invite you to imagine for a moment that in any given situation you have complete trust in yourself - keep the promise to you, to stand on the shoulders of giants – modelling excellence, allowing the urge of desire to pass like a rolling wave – delaying gratification, seeing a vast horizon of choice before you – outcome and solution focused and knowing that whatever choice you make – if it doesn’t work – you can choose another – behavioural flexibility until you land on what does work and then you commit to the mastery of it through – consistent action.

Let me know how far you are into your Self Control journey.

Have you mastered two, three or maybe even seven of these tips?

It's not how hard you fall...

We've all heard the expression it's not how hard you fall it's how gracefully you get back up?

Well I had a very humbling lesson last week that sometimes it's how graciously you accept a hand to help you up too. I write this article with a bit of hesitation. We’re meant to keep our puddle moments to ourselves. Please bear my indulgence as I hope to remind anyone feeling low it’s not just OK to pause and look after yourself, it’s essential.

We belong to what I believe is the best community in the world. We cheer each other on, we hold each other accountable and our ethos is humble servitude asking what more can I do. The first important lesson is it's never about you, it's about the client. Never, that is, while working. It has to be about us sometimes or that mini me or shadow, whatever you choose to call it can get narky and raise it's head til it's paid it's due respects.

Well that's what happened to me if I may share an important lesson in being OK with my vulnerable side. With some brilliant results for the new financial year I was on a wave of activity and servitude, absolutely loving it! Somewhere in the hype of it all I confess I forgot to check in with me; the quiet me, the vulnerable me.

Life can be so ridiculously noisy and fast these days, Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Tinder, emails, webinars, recordings, there's always something to catch up on. On the train, waiting in line, in the elevator, it’s surprising there aren’t more neck complaints we’re looking down so much.

Have we forgotten how to connect with the simple joy in the silence of a moment?

Well I'll be the first to confess I did, and the result was not pretty. My best friend grabbing me for an urgent wine as I sat a blubbering mess with so much noise in my head I couldn't think. A dozen snotty tissues later we sat in reflective silence for a while to which my friend asked when I'd last really just sat in the moment? Bloody good question. She could be a life coach. We laughed at the irony of how many times I'd told people feeling down to grab a dog and head to the beach. Best happy pill ever.  Somehow in the busyness of life my weekend walks had become a mission to exercise and get back to busy.

So a reminder for me that hopefully may get you checking in with yourself too. Four simple ways to look after yourself so you're primed to serve others even more.

1. Greet yourself in the morning like you do your best friend.

When you look at yourself in the mirror do you see the parts of you? Sheez, the eyes are baggy this morning, dam, is that a grey hair? I look so pale, better get some sunlight today. Or do you look at your gorgeous self and say good morning with a beaming smile? I did this morning and had a jolly good giggle with myself, what a great way to start the day!

2. Put the phone down.

Not for ever, just don't let it be the first thing you reach for in the morning, enjoy some silence. A cup of tea sitting outside listening to the birds. Go for a walk without the earphones in. I'm the first to say I always have trainings on, on the train, in the car, at home. Make some time for old fashioned silence.

3. Reach out to a friend and ask for help when you need it.

Here’s a secret, occasionally I don’t have all my shit sorted. There, I’ve said it. My clients don’t need to know it and definitely don’t need to see or hear about it. There’s a gift in opening up and asking for help occasionally. Sometimes we’re so deep in it we don’t notice it’s just a puddle.

4.  Have a holiday that charges the batteries.

Whether it's a trek through nature, lying on the beach or exploring the back streets of an exotic town, do it. I haven't had a holiday for two years, I was too busy and there was too much fun to be had here anyway. 

So what are some ways you look after yourself?

How do you take time to charge the batteries so you can be totally present for your clients?

Here’s to your health

The Law of Reciprocity

Dr. Robert Cialdini has spent his entire career researching the science of influence, earning him an international reputation as an expert in the fields of persuasion, compliance, and negotiation.

His books including, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, have shaped marketing and sales throughout the world.

Direct response marketers consider his book the ‘101’ of marketing and where anyone who wants to generate interest and desire in their products and service must start.

He created a list of 6 ‘laws of influence’ which marketers and sales consultants (who are smart) are familiar with and know how to bring into their sales processes:

1.      The Law of Reciprocity

2.      The Law of Commitment and Consistency

3.      The Law if Liking

4.      The Law of Authority

5.      The Law of Scarcity

6.      The Law of Social Proof

Cialdini’s first principle of persuasion states that we human beings are wired to basically want to return favours and pay back our debts. In short… to treat others as they’ve treated us.

This idea of reciprocity tells us that people by nature feel obliged to provide discounts, concessions or others forms of reciprocity to others if they’ve received favours from those others.

Psychology explains this by stressing that we humans simply do not like to feel indebted to other people.

Cialdini in Marketing

Let me start by saying, using these laws is ethical, as long as the claim you make is true. If you’re easily offended by the idea of there being a sales process in place for a business to increase its sales, then it’s probably best to stop reading.

Marketing is all about persuading people to buy the product or the service of the business. Brand advertising is not using Cialdini’s laws. Direct response marketing does.

Direct marketing is giving value in return for action from the market. That action can take the form of:

·         A person opting into a web site in return for a free ‘something’ and thus becoming a prospect

·         A prospect receives an opportunity to join a webinar, by opting into the registration page for the webinar

·         The marketer sends an email with a link to a video containing content that helps the prospect

·         The marketer writes a blog containing great value for their market

·         The marketer posts a link on their facebook page about something they have that may be useful, like a checklist, and fans can click on the link and go to the checklist

All of these examples require the prospect to do something – to take some action.

As a result of this, they become more engrossed with the interaction, they follow the story you tell them, they enjoy the value they receive and they attach high-value to you and what you’re about.

Given we can’t compete with ‘brand advertising’, this sounds like a great way to go.

And all of it relies on Cialdini’s laws – all of them.

Reciprocity in Marketing

What if you offer something cool in return for an individual’s contact details? This will then give you the opportunity to build a relationship with them over time. Not everyone is ready to make a buying decision straight away. But over time, by giving great value, when they are ready to buy, you are going to be positioned as a much stronger contender for being chosen than the competitor who only sent one piece of information.

A great example of this is what we do (and it works really well):

Let’s say that you run a popular blog that offers its readers highly actionable and practical information that makes their lives better. It’s offered for free, and all they have to do is visit your site and absorb the details. Based on this, your visitors are going to feel more obligated to buy something from you.

All of these examples share one commonality – they are using the Law of Reciprocity.

By providing something great to someone, the marketer is creating the tension within the prospect that the relationship is out of balance. To put things back into balance, the prospect will have to take some action, of some type.

This action can take the form of:

1.       Telling people how great it is

2.       Buying something

3.       Continuing to follow the emails/posts etc and ‘like’ articles

Whatever the action, it is the prospect ‘reciprocating’ for what the marketer has done for them.

Is there all there is to sales? No, of course not. The product or service must be great, and desired. 

There are competitors you need to stand away from and never been seen to be ‘one of many’. There’s the importance of the follow up process you have, and your ability to repeat this cycle for everyone with consistency.

But it does increase sales.

We have many people comment to us, ‘I loved everything you sent me. Especially the chocolates.’

And this: ‘You have shown the most interest in me of all the schools I looked at. Of course I had to choose you.’

And this: ‘You guys are different to the rest. You care.’

All of this forms a picture in their minds of how it will be once they’ve joined.

The key, of course, is to ensure that this is true!

The Law of Reciprocity at its Heart

Since I began coaching, I’ve given away my best stuff, for free.

I didn’t do it to ‘get clients’.

I did it because I was so grateful that people appreciated what I had. I feel in love with giving, because it felt so good.

As a result of this, and not by design, people began to come to me in droves. Coaches would demand to know how I became so successful.

Very few actually acted on the answers I gave. I received (often!) comments like this: ‘But if I give my best stuff away, why would anyone buy from me?’

That mentality is why I succeed.

That’s it, right there. So many people are so worried about what they have, and fear losing it, they hoard it.

They don’t see that by giving it away, they become an irresistible force.

It’s simple. If most people are hoarding what they’ve got, I’m going to do something else.

I call it the Law of Zag.

If marketers are going to zig, I’m going to do something else.

As a result of this, more marketers in our industry are learning the power of giving, and are doing it.

So we’ve moved our ‘free line’ even further out, and are now giving away valuable intellectual property to people who are not students.

This has the effect of raising the bar on the ‘free line’ (more must be given to be seen to be valuable and trusted), and also, it means we have to get better to be able to match what we give with even more value when someone joins us.

I consider this a complete win for our members.

I love this law.

Break from the herd with Thought Dynamics

In the Chinese Zodiac Year of the Horse - 2014 - I decided to become a unicorn. Here’s why...

The horse is beautifully dichotomous - it is majestic, strong and free-spirited yet affectionate, playful and sensitive, the latter characteristic central to its basic instinct for survival as a herd animal.

In business, you can be part of the herd - just another choice in a long line of similar products - or you can differentiate yourself so that you become the product of choice in a cluttered and noisy market place.

As principal of a public relations and marketing agency, I was searching for “that special something” that would help make my business zig while the others keep zagging.

As described on the Thought Dynamics, “Thought Dynamics is a revolutionary approach to success, leadership and business challenges. At the core of the approach is the Thought Dynamics Diagnostic Tool and consulting program, both underpinned by the ESIP (Environment, Structure, Implementation, People) thinking model.

Quite simply, Thought Dynamics is developing the best world’s best brand in coaching and consulting methodology. “Well, you’d want to be part of that, wouldn’t you?”, I said to myself at the Meta Dynamics 1 training in June, just over a month ago.

I was booked to deliver a series of training programs for volunteer-based, community groups and organisations in July. While the training course was already set, I challenged myself to apply the ESIP thinking model to my public relations and marketing system so I could start using the language and practise asking quality questions based on the four areas of E, S, I and P.

Well, the feedback from the training was the best I have ever received and was, indeed, transformative for a number of the participants.

Rather than launching into a situation analysis to determine what the organisation currently does well, what it could do better, how it compares to competitors, what its clients / members think and what opportunities could be capitalised upon, we began the training with each participant reflecting upon the culture of their organisation.

After all, an organisation’s culture - including its vision, mission and values - will, to a large extent, determine whether or not people will want to become a member, volunteer or attend its programs.

“And I thought our purpose was to manage weeds in local bushland reserves”, the president of a land management group exclaimed. “Now I believe our purpose is to work together to create a healthy and thriving environment now and for future generations to enjoy”. This revelation was profound on two levels. Firstly, the participant’s way of thinking had shifted from below the line (Implementation level) to above the line (Environment level), and I clearly observed the power of ESIP in adding so much more value to my training program.

It was then my “unicornification” began.

ESIP is no mythical construct yet it’s power is as undeniable as the unicorn’s.

For me, it is the ease with which ESIP can be applied to existing systems and processes (it is logical and sequential), it is the applicability of ESIP to both individuals and organisations, and it is the adaptability of ESIP to a myriad of situations.

In the five weeks since my first exposure to ESIP, I have applied it to many facets of my personal and professional life including:

• language and conversation
• coaching
• mentoring
• decision-making
• training delivery
• meeting facilitation
• business proposals
• funding submissions
• project management
• team development
• budgeting
• time management
• learning

...and the list goes on.

So, with a pioneering spirit, I feel privileged to be on the ground floor of Thought Dynamics, the champion of the ESIP model. The Thought Dynamics community is amazingly supportive, dedicated to the highest standards and has an open culture of sharing knowledge, experience and resources so that everyone benefits and grows.

Of course, as the law of cause and effect applies, there is no doubting that what you put into Thought Dynamics is exactly what you will get out of it. The choice is yours.

And what an exciting choice it is!

Thought Dynamics IS destined to become the world’s best brand in coaching and consulting methodology.

In time, just as we say, “I Googled it”, I believe we will be saying “I ESIPd it!”.