Determining Your Values

Determining the Compass of Your Life

Values… those emotional state or qualities that we value about all others… can do more to determine the quality of your life than any other single thing. Values determine all of our decision making, and therefore our destiny. If you know your values than you know who you are and what you stand for. Your like owned by you and shaped by you on your terms.

Remember the movie Greed from the 1980’s? Charlie Sheen’s character thinks that he wants the life and the values that he mentor, played by Michael Douglas, holds. At first he makes the moves that someone who values greed, ego and winning about all cost values.

Then he comes to realise that he does not value those things. That in fact lining that way was empty for him.  He drew his line in the sand, and stood up for what he really  valued. Integrity and love.

Most movies have two levels going on. There;s the level of action that we see… the hero wins the girl, the hero wins the race. The second level is under the surface. It is the process of who the hero becomes and what they stand for to win the prize. And sometimes they don’t win the price… they don’t get the surface level outcome… but they get something so much more rewarding and satisfying. They find out who they really are.

We all admire people who make a stand for what they believe in. We are in awe of those extraordinary people who live by highly defined principles. Think of Nelson Mandela. He spent nearly three decades in prison and upon his release his convictions were as strong as when he was jailed.

Think of anyone you have admired in your life. Didn’t they seem to just know what they stood for?

We all have values but few of us are aware of this. Most people have little idea of how what they value is shaping their lives. To achieve fulfillment and success… true success… it is essential to decide what we value most in life and then commit to live by them every day.

If we’re not clear about what it most important to us in our lives then how can we experience the satisfaction of knowing ourselves and of making effective decisions?

Think of a time you found it difficult to make a decision. The chances are that your uncertainty about what was most important to you in the situation led to your doubt.

When you know what you stand for and what is most important to you then decision making becomes effortless.

This must be true not just when the going is easy, but when the going is tough. Anyone can live by their values when there is smooth sailing. Anyone can be a person of kindness and integrity and graciousness when there are no challenge arrive, because they will arrive. It is an inevitable part of life that the smooth waters of life will become choppy, and then develop into swells, and then become a full storm.

The storms is life are inevitable. Even during the storms, we must make the decision to stay true to our values.

Whenever a new potential client comes to work with me, I can nearly always tell if they will sign on as clients. It rarely has anything to do with what we cover in the session… some people have experienced a radical shift in their thinking which will give them enormous benefits in their lives and still not sign on as a client… The people who don’t stand for anything. Life just happens to them and they wonder why, yet when presented with the opportunity to learn how to gain control of their lives they can’t do it.

I don’t say this with anything except for understanding. How can they possibly commit to coaching when they don’t have any clue what it is they would want to get from coaching?  How can they say yes t themselves when they have no idea who they are or what they stand for?

Commitment for them is something they have practiced avoiding. Committing to coaching would be a huge step forward. For some people, it’s too big a step.

What I would want to share with them is that the only way to have the feeling of fulfillment and happiness is to live by our highest ideals. To do this we need to know what those ideals are.

Doing this create huge benefits. We get to know joy, fulfillment and satisfaction that we are living a life of purpose.

Not knowing our values means we will experience frustration, despair and pain.