Giving Up Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a myth. When someone says “I am perfectionist” what I am hearing is that they have no standards. Perfectionism cannot be achieved, so it’s the same as saying you want to achieve the impossible. Yet isn't interesting how much time people spend trying to attain it. Saying we want perfection is really another way of saying I don’t feel confident to say  the task is complete. And isn't that another way of saying I fear not being enough?

Hmmm…

How about instead of focusing on perfection you focus on the results you want to achieve? Giving up the illusion of perfection is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, because it frees up your energy and time to focus on what really matters.

When people are first introduced to this is they feel a level of fear because they have convinced themselves that it’s necessary to achieve this. Abandoning perfection seems scary because they are unclear about what to replace it with.

The solution is simple. Replace perfection with what it is you really want.

The Power of "No"

I used to say yes to whatever was asked of me. believing that way I would be liked. What I was really doing was managing my fear of not being loved or not belonging. What would happen was I would run around for someone else, then feel resentful for being “used” if they didn’t express enough gratitude. Maybe you have a pattern like that, and you’re noticing that it’s tiring making everyone else happy. Especially if it means you aren’t.

The  solution is to learn to say no. It won’t offend the other person, unless they expect you to comply to their every request, in which care why is that? If you have trouble saying “no” , then say “I will have to get back to you,”  This buys you the time  to think about whether this is something you really want to spend time on, and also means you won’t have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings.

Once you've said you’ll get back to them, you can then think of another solution that doesn’t involve you. And maybe you’ll choose to experience courage by saying you can’t do the task.