Key Number Three: You Must Take 100% Responsibility for the Results You Get in Your Life

This key continues on from the previous, because it asks us to to hold ourselves accountable for all of what happens in our lives, regardless of whether or not we believe we chose it.

This key is a challenge for some people to embrace, because they point out that sometimes something happens that they were not expecting, could not have predicted and could never have prevented.

I tell them to act as if it’s true anyway. Because it’s only when we take this key on totally that we get to learn from everything that happens, and not just the stuff we believe we chose.

Even if something happens in a different city, if effects you, take 100% responsibility… not for the event… but for how you choose to respond.

Take 100% responsibility for the results you get

This key isn’t about blame, as in “you asked for it,” but about responsibility for choosing how you respond.

It is totally empowering to accept how you respond to the events in your life is entirely up to you. I remember when I first decided to play with this as if it was true. I was recovering from being ill and noticed that I was getting much more curious about how to get well. And not just well, but just will, but how to get totally radiant with outstanding health. I began to play the game of life at an entirely new level.

Think of the times you’ve heard someone say “It’s not my fault,” or “I didn’t ask for this.” Did you see how powerless they became when they said it? Why di that to ourselves when we could say, “This is what has happened, I don’t like it and I’m determined to find a way to turn it around.”

People say “Why me?”

How about instead, “It’s me because I have the resources I need to deal with it.”

You have all the resources you need to create your ideal life

You have all the resources you need to create your ideal life. No one else is responsible for your transformation. No else is responsible for your results or your lack of results. You are responsible for whether you choose to feel happy, sad, content, overwhelmed, angry or empowered. Your parents and what they “did” to you when you were younger are in no way preventing you from Level 1 living. Neither is the bully, the person who attacked you, who ripped you off or beat you. The person who caused injustice in your life or the illness that took away some choice… none of these things are preventing you living at Level 1, If you choose to accept 100% responsibility for the results that you are getting, right now.

Accepting this is true Level 1 living.

The first thing you must believe is you are to play your life at this level is that you must create the transformation. Not someone else, not when you feel like it,  not when the going gets easier, or when others have done or said something, but right now.

I must create the transformation

The second thing to believe for total Level 1 living is that you can create transformation. You must believe that you have the resources you need to create the change you must have. You have to be the source of your own transformation. It’s no good waiting for your partner to change to be happy, or hoping the market will get stronger to save your business, or wishing someone else comes along to fix things for you.

You must create the transformation, right now, on your terms

Think of something you believe you do well. What do you believe is true about your abilities? How do you take responsibility for the results that you get? Answer this question in as much detail as you can.

Think of something you believe you are definitely not good at. What do you believe is true about your abilities? How do you not take responsibility for the results that you get? Answer this question in as much detail as you can.

What have you notice about the two experiences? What specifically is different about two experiences?

Think of something that you want to be good at or want to master. If you are 100% responsible for the results you get, what needs to change, right now? What do you need to commit to? Who do you need to stop holding responsible for the result you want?

For the next seven days, act as if you are 100% responsible for every result you get. Include in this the response you get from other and things that in the past you might have not chosen to take responsibility for.

Give yourself the gift of living at Level 1 as often as you can, and if you slip, be aware of it and then step up once more.

Key Number Two: You Must Choose What You Focus On

This second key flows from the first. It says that what we choose to search for we will find. What you focus on is what you will get. Think of a time you bought a car. Can you recall that before you decided to get the car you didn’t notice that particular type of car in your travels? What changed once you made the decision? How many of that type of car did you begin to notice?

Close your eyes once you’ve read these instructions. Think of all things in the room that are green. Think only of the green objects. Everything that is green. How many green objects are you able to count with your eyes closed?

Once you have completed that exercise, ask yourself, “How many objects are in the room that are red?”

Because you were focused on the objects that were green, you would have sorted for the green objects, You would have deleted all other colors. You would have been able to recall many more objects that were green than were red.

This simple exercise demonstrates how your mind operates. It sorts for what you tell it to focus on.

Focus on the hardships in life, and you will experience more hardships. Focus on life’s injustices and you will experience life’s injustices. Focus on ill health and you will experience ill health. Focus on  your weaknesses and you will experience disappointing results.

Focus on love and kindness, and you will experience love and kindness. Focus on the keys to health and vitally and you will experience the same. Focus on your strengths and you will experience even more success.

Because what we focus on is what we get. And what we focus on is what we get to the exclusion of everything else.

To demonstrate this, think about the times you’ve been on the world wide web and searched for something. If you type in “Poverty” you will find millions of hits for this one subject. Type in “Wealth” and you will find millions of hits for this.

What you search for is what you will find. One way to look at this is to realise that we exist within pure potential. ALL possibilities exist in every moment. The possibility you experience is based on what you search for.

If you focus on what you fear, you will only see what you fear. Focusing on your strengths is always to your benefit. What many people do is focus on what will be difficult or how they might fail, so they don’t even attempt the attempt the things they are sure they can do.

The secret to Level 1 living is to focus on where you want to go.

When I run trainings on Your Success I explain it like this. Imagine that your world exists within a warehouse where everything is contained. Health, wealth, poverty, sickness, happiness, sadness, loneliness, friendship, success, love and joy. You have a flashlight and you go searching in this warehouse. What you will find is determined by where you point your flashlight.Point it in one corner and you find health. Point it somewhere else and you find joy.

Point it somewhere else and find despair.

What happens if you turn the floodlight on? You suddenly see all possibilities. You exist with all of these possibilities at all times.

When I first learnt this I became immediately aware of how I had been choosing to focus on what my world lacked. And my results reflected my focus because it required a level of personal responsibility that I’d never before considered. But I knew that if I didn’t I was going to keep getting the results I was getting. And that was intolerable for me.

One of thing that is worth noting about this key is that when you shift your focus you may not see the change in your direction immediately. you may continue to see some of the old results you no longer want. Just as in life, there can be a lag time between when you shift your focus and when your life catches up.

Be aware of this and persist. Focus right now on what you do want to experience in life. Focus right now on your strengths and capabilities. The sooner you do this, the sooner you’ll get your desired results.

Ask Yourself these questions: .

• Does choosing to accept this key as true enhance my experience of life?
• Does choosing to accept this key mean I will choose a more empowering focus in some or all areas of my life?
• Does choosing to accept this key give me a powerful tool for transforming my life?

If you answered yes, then I acknowledge you, because this one key has the power to totally transform your life.

This one key has the power to allow you to see the magnificence in everyone.

This one key has the power to enable you to focus on your strength, thus allowing you to improve your results in whatever you do.

This one key has the power to release you from anger, because you will see the lesson in the situation, rather than the hurt.

This one key has the power to allow you to forgive whoever you believe has harmed you, because you’ll know that by focusing on love, rather than resentment, will allow you to feel peace.

This one key has the power to see that you are truly a phenomenal human being, capable of the most amazing feats.

People who live at Level 3 focus on what they can’t control and influence, and thus feel constantly overwhelmed and out of control. People at Level 1 focus on what they can control and influence, and thus feel empowered and confident.

Think of something you believe you do well. What is it you tell yourself about your abilities? What do you see in your mind’s eye? What do you tell yourself? How do you feel when you see yourself doing this task? Answer this question in as much detail as you can.

What have you noticed about the two experiences? What specifically is different about the two experience?

Think of something that you want to be good at or want to master. If your focus determines your reality, what would your focus need to be? What would you  need to see yourself doing? In your mind, create a successful attempt at this thing and see yourself doing it perfectly. Hear the seconds of successful attempt at how you would feel. Tell yourself what you would tell yourself as you did this thing with total mastery. Breathe as you would breathe. Look in the direction you would look. Be as specific as possible.

What have you notice about your physiology as you created for yourself this successful attempt? What have you noticed about how you feel?

For the next seven days, act as if what you focus on is what you get. Decide to search for evidence of your own strength and the strengths of others. Choose to see the positive in each moment. Focus on what you can do and what you can control and influence, rather than on what you can’t. Shine your flashlight on what you appreciate, what you can do, what you enjoy and what you may learn from every moment.

Give yourself the gift of living at Level 1 as often as you can, and if you slip, be aware of it and then step up once more.

Key Number One: You Must Take Control of How You Interpret Your World

Things do not change; we change. - Henry David Thoreau

Handy Tip: How do you break the pattern to telling yourself the old stories? It's easy. Think of an old story right now that you know has to go. As you think of that story, raise your left hand, wiggle your bottom, shake your hand, hold your nose and make a squeaky noise as you say "Poor me, poor me, poor me," until you laugh or feel totally ridiculous. If you do this each time you catch yourself in an old, unresourceful story you'll stop telling yourself and others about them!

Now that you know what you need to tell yourself to live a Level 1 like, here are the five tools to assist you to assist you to stay there. Each of these tools has been developed not becausee they are always true, but because by believing they are true people who choose them experiece extraordinary living. As you read each of them, ask yourself "What would my life look like if I chose to accept these beliefs a true?"

For lasting transformation to take place in your life, you must act as if these keys are true for you, regardless of the circumstances of your life. Every great story has a time when the hero is in despair, feeling that all is lost. The true hero then finds the resources that she needs to turn things around and emerge victorious. This is how you must play this game of life. To be a winner, there are certain keys that when applied consistently produce extraordinary results.

Key Number One: You Must Take Control of How You Interpret Your World

What determines the quality of your life is not what happens, your level of luck or hard times, your family, your income, your job or your friends. What determines the quality of our life is the meaning we give to the events that happen and the choices we make as a result of those meanings.

Throughout the world there are people who we know or know of who have overcome extraordinary hardship, loss or challenges and gone on to live remarkable lives. Despite their own suffering they have found a way to live lives of fulfillment and have made difference to our world. Throughout history people have made incredible sacrifices to achieve extraordinary success.

For years people held the belief that it was impossible for a human being to run the mile in less than four minutes. Then Roger Bannister did exactly that in 1954. He achieved the "Impossible" by mental and physical practice.

What is remarkable about this story foes far beyond what Bannister achieve. Within one year of his feat 37 other runners broke the four minutes mile. Another year after that, another 300 runners did the same thing.

Had four minutes become a longer time? No, had four miles shrunk to accommodate the runners? No. All that had changed was what people believed was possible.

What this tells us is that it isn't the event that has meaning. We can never see an event exactly for what it is. Our interpretation of an event, as we learnt in the Defining Moments exercise, is all we have.

Even if we try really hard to only interpret an event for what it is, we will still distort the event in our minds to conform with what we believe to be true.

This means that the map is not the territory. No mater how hard we endeavour to recreate an event or a situation, we will only be able to represent it based on our map of the world.

This one key has the power to totally transform your life. It is not the event in your life that shape you. It is the meaning you give these events.

Think about this for a moment. Think of what is happening in your life right now. Perhaps you're stressed or feeling overwhelmed or out of control.

What if you were feeling overwhelmed because of how you perceived the situation a certain way? Doesn't that mean you also have an equal power to choose to perceive the event in another way?

The first time I heard this key, I said there is no way anyone would say that if they knew what was going on in my life right now. I decided that the person telling me this must be heartless, because if they knew how hard things were for me, they would never say that.

Then I started thinking about it.

What if it was true? Just for a moment, I imagined my life with this key being true. I realise that it meant that how I was feeling about my life was entirely up to me. I had the power to change how I felt about it. Only I had the power to change how I related the world. Only I could change how I experienced this world.

And what I chose was going to shape my life.

It moved my illness into a completely different light. All of a sudden being sick wasn't a terrible tragedy that no one could possibly understand. It became an opportunity for me to learn about patience and compassion and forgiveness. My getting ill didn't have to be a barrier to my having the life I wanted. It was only going to be a barrier I chose to let it be.

I had the power to chooes.

Remember, the map is not the territory. No matter what is happening in your life, you can never interpret it accurately. You can only interpret it according to your map.

Your Map

Your map is made up of your beliefs, values and experiences. It is made up of other ingredients too, but we'll focus on these for now.

• Your beliefs are feelings of certainty about what something means.
• Your values are emotions that you want to experience on a consistent basis.
• Your experiences are what you believe had happened in you life up until now.

How you create your map is through what you see, hear, feel, smell and taste. These are all the senses we have to access our world. We can see an event, hear it as it unfolds, feel it happening, and perhaps we can also taste and smell it.

These six senses are all we have to record the world around us. We are being bombarded with an estimated two million bits of information every second. We could not possibly absorb and process all of this information. Most people can only mange 132 bit of information - or 7 plus or minus 2 chucks.

If we could suddenly absorb all of the information coming at us we would go made or would close down. Notice how you're sitting. Notice the sounds around you that until nor you may have been turning out. Notice any smells in the air. Notice the objects around you that you had deleted to allow you read this blog. If you were aware of all of this all of the time you would never be able to function.

So our minds protect us. It filters out what it considers to be irrelevant.

The question is: how does our mind decide what is relevant or not? What filter in is what we believe we need or will need for a future time. This explains why two people can view the same event - say, a car accident - and recall it so differently. They have recorded the event in their minds based on their own filters.

The filter in our minds constantly delete, distort and generalise about what an event means.

We delete what we decide is irrelevant. We distort what we experience so it can fit in with what we are familiar with and we generalise on thing to mean something we have experienced before.

For example, think about someone whom you don't like. They maybe do something that annoys you and violates your rules about how people about them that is likeable? Maybe they're loving to their parents or good you've magnified a habit they do that annoys you so that's all you notice about them. Perhaps you've exaggerated their dislikeable traits because they cause such intense feelings within you.

Finally, what are you generalising about them to cause you to dislike them? Perhaps they have a behavioural trait that you've seen someone else do. When the first person did they behaviour that did it to hurt you, so now you feel very strongly about what that behaviour means.

You can do the same exercise with tasks you don't enjoy, with places you've visited and felt strongly about, anything you experience in your life. 

Like something and disliking something is based on what we filter in and leave out. What we filter in and leave out is based on what we are deleting, distorting, or generalising. 

How your Filters Shape Your Life

Imagine for a moment you are faced with a challenging task. It's a task that you have never been able to accomplish successfully in the past. You feel intimidated by the thought of having to do it and you tell yourself you'll probably get it wrong. 

What are you filtering out to decide to be intimidated by this event? What are you filtering out to decide to be intimidated by this event? What evidence of your abilities are you deleting? What past events do you need to distort to give yourself the most anxiety? Aren't you needing to generalise about past results to make the decision to doubt your abilities this time?

Now think of a task that you know you are totally capable of doing. Something that you have has complete success in for a period of time. It could be tying your shoe laces or making coffee. 

What do you have to delete to decide you can do this task? Don't you need to delete evidence of when your first started doing these task? A time when you weren't totally successful? Aren't you needing distort your past results so that the times you weren't great at became simply"learning experiences"? To believe your ability to do these task take your decision to generalise that because you could do the task before you can do it again now.

Constantly, deleting, distorting, and generalising.

Think about this... what if what you are filtering out of your life are the very things that would mean your happiness, your success or your fulfillment?

Five years ago I was convinced that people were full of weaknesses and faults. I was sure that people were generally disappointing and incapable of anything except for selfish, self involved actions.

To believe this I had to delete any evidence of anyone's kindness, compassion or generosity, which I did easily. I had to distort their slightest comment to interpret it as thoughtless and mean. I had to generalis that because they would say one thing that I decided was mean that would equate to all of them being mean.

And this is how I lived my life for years. If you could imagine living this way for a moment, what do you think I thought about the world? About people generally? What relationships do you think I had?

If you've decided I didn't have many good friends, and that I had a poor relationship with my family, and that I was lonely, you would be right on track.

I realised that how I interpreted the world was up to me, and that id I wanted to experience love, happiness and fulfillment then I needed to start hunting for evidence of exactly that, instead of the opposite.

I had to change my map of the world.

Once I changed my ma, my entire experience of the world and of people transformed for the better. Since changing my map I have not met a single person I don't like. I have not experienced a situation I haven't been grateful for. I now only see the magnificence in others, even when they don't see it in themselves.

Had the word suddenly replaced itself? Of course not.  All that had changed was my map of the world.

For the next seven days, act as if the map is not the territory. Decide to give the best possible meaning to everything that happens and everything you see, hear and feel. Make the effort t filter in everything that is good, positive, and a learning opportunity our of everything you experience. Give yourself the gift of living at Level 1 as often as you can, and if you slip, be aware of it and then step up once more. 

The Three Levels of Thinking

There are three levels at which we can be living our lives. Whichever level we decide to live determines the quality of our life. Whichever level we live our life is a choice.

Look at each of these levels and determine which level you are choosing to live. You may be living at different levels depending upon the area of your life you think about. For example, you may be living at Level 1 in health and level 3 in relationships.

Each of these levels is an archetype, and doesn;t portray everyone all of the time. We might spend some time at level 3 and some time at level 1, depending on where we are in our lives and what we are experiencing. We might even experience all three levels at the one time.

LEVEL 3 THINKING

Level 3 living is where we are invested in the stories of why we can’t, and these stories prevent us experiencing the results that we desire. A story is anything we tell ourselves to justify not creating transformation. For example, someone may say “I can’t be a successful saleperson because my parents never taught me how to communicate.” Or “I don’t success in relationships because my work is too important.’ Or  “may bad back stops me working.” Or “If you’d been abused like I was you wouldn’t be happy either.” Or “Life is hard and that’s why I don’t success.”

Anything that you tell yourself as a reason for not being able to act or to be happy is your story. It is what you drag around with you as you escape clause. I don’t say this to be harsh, because I have done this myself and I still do. Learning this stuff isn’t  a one-time deal. You don’t learn it and then everything is perfect in your life. We each need to hold ourselves accountable to being aware of when we buy into these stories. The story I dragged around for years was “I can’t be happy because I have too may issues from my past to deal with.

The amount of time you spend investing in your stories is the amount of time you aren’t investing in your life. The more time you spend at this level is less time you have to build your build your ideal life, because I have too many issues from my past to deal with.

People who live mostly at this level tend to wonder why they are stuck and can’t get on with their lives. They hope things will get better. They don’t believe in much because life has given them so little to believe in.

Level 3 living means taking responsibility when it is convenient and surrendering responsibility when the going gets tough.

Level 3 Living includes why we can’t be our ideal weight, have an extraordinary relationship, what we tell ourselves people have done “to us”, ill health, what we tell ourselves prevents us getting ahead i.e. not old enough, too old, not enough training, not enough education, not good enough parents, no money.In fac, that last story… not enough money… is one of the most sommon stories I hear.

Level 2 Thinking

If you are living at level 2 you are aware that there are some areas in your life that need changing but you’re not sure how to go about creating the change. You would experience confusion and self-doubt. Level 2 people create change for themselves if they are presented with how to turn things around. Level 2 people often think life could be better, but rather than just hoping it improves, like level 3 people, they seek out the answer, as long as they don’t have to change too much themselves.

Level 2 people might be into alternative remedies and alternative solutions, because the mainstream answers have proven disappointing. They might believe in astrology & psychics.

Whilst Level 2 people have stories they tell themselves about why their life isn’t exactly as they want it, they still experience levels of happiness and fulfillment. Their stories haven’t  become all they have, so their level of skepticism and disappointment in the world isn’t as ingrained as it might be for someone at level 3.

Someone at level 2 might take responsibility for some areas of their lives, especially the areas that they are good at or which they feel most comfortable. When they take responsibility they like how it feels and want to do it more.

Level 1 Thinking

Level 1 people know that it is entirely up to them what happens in their life. They hold themselves 100% responsible for the results they get, regardless of what the results might be, because they know that anything less is giving away their opportunity to affect change.

Someone living at Level 1 would never indulge in blame or justification, because they know that doing that simply stops them learning and growing from a situation. They know that through growing and learning they become even happier. They aren’t interested in who to blame, but rather how to turn the situation around.

Level 1 people feel gratitude for what they have in their lives, including their opportunities to learn and grow. They see problems as gifts for them to take their lives to the next level.

Someone at level 1 doesn’t bemoan the past, but has forgiven whoever they perceive harmed them, knowing that the act of forgiveness is a gift for themselves.

Level 1 living is an extraordinary level of self-responsibility. It isn’t about blame, but choice.

Level 1 living is about taking yourself lightly, and looking for the good in every situation.

Level 1 living embrace the five keys we are about to look at all of the time, not just when it is convenient.

Your aim is to live at level 1 as often as you possibility can. Your aim is live at level 1 not just when the going is good… anyone can do that… but especially when the going is tough. Extraordinary people live at level 1 regardless of  what is going on in their  lives, because they know that it isn’t the circumstances of their lives that shape them, but what they think and choose as a result of those circumstances.

• What level have you been living your life unit now? 
• What has living at that level cost you?

Oprah Winfrey grew up in the South of North America and says that the only evidence she has of anything except poverty was the books she read. She was sexually abused and has a miscarriage in her teens. You could argue that Oprah had some pretty good “stories” she could have dragged around as reasons for not living a full life. Maybe she still some stories we’re not aware of. But no one could say this woman has become anything except for an extraordinary example of what is possible,

The quality of your life is a direct reflection of how 

many stories you have chosen to cease indulging in.

Stories are anything we tell ourselves about, why we can’t be, do or have whatever we desire. For example, if you are shy and you use that as reason for not go for a promotion, that is your story. They question is, is your story for you or against you?

The only thing preventing us from be who want to be, doing what we want to do, and having what we want to have is the stories we tell ourselves about why we can’t

What stories have you indulged in until now Give details about what you tell yourself and others about why you can’t be, do, or have whatever you want.

You May want to revisit previous exercises over the next few days and add to the stories as you notice yourself using them. For example, it took me a while to realise that one of my stories was that people are in this world for themselves so no one will help me.  When I realised that is what I’d trunked began aligning themselves with me.

What have these stories prevented you from being, doing, or having?

Why would you let go of these stories right now? Give yourself as many compelling reasons as you can as to why you would dump these excuses. Write down what you would see, hear, feel and tell yourself if you dumped these stories once and for all.

If today was the first day of your life, and you could create any story you wanted for yourself about what you are capable of, what would you say? For example, once I had identified the story I had been carrying around about other people, I change it to "people align with others when they believe in them and when they can also achieve their goals. It's about creating a win/win outcome for us all."

Another story I dumped was that it's hard to succeed because I didn't have the ideal upbringing. My new story became "My life is entirely up to me."

Write new stories that will mean you are committing to living your life at ! regardless of the circumstances of your life. Make the commitment to live at Level 1 even when the going gets tough, knowing that as human beings is not our ability to shirk challenges but to handle them, thus settling an example to ourselves and to those around us.

The Power of Choice

Life is nothing more than a series of choices that we make for ourselves to meet our needs. even not choosing is a choice. Every choice we make has consequences, and these consequences can be empowering or disempowering. The important thing isn't to blame ourselves if we've made a poor choice, but to become aware of the choice, the thinking behind the choice, and to notice any patterns in our choices.

Once we've done that, we can see a blueprint for how we shape our life.

If we life the blueprint, we would keep our pattern of choice.

What are the choices you have made?

Take the time right now to write down the positive choice in your life today? What choices have made you happy, proud, joyful?  For example, I chose to marry john, I choose to start a business, I chose to get fit, I chose to learn more about myself…

I chose to…

What great things are in your life now because of these choices? For example, because I chose to marry John, I got to learn what unconditional love was, and I have a best friend and lover who supports me in everything i do.

Write down the choice you have made in the past in your life that you perhaps don’t like or don’t make you happy. What choices are you unhappy about?  For example, I chose to quit a job because I decided it was too hard, I chose to not take care of myself when I was stress...

What are the consequence you have noticed because of these negative choice? What have they cost you? For example, by not taking that job I convinced myself that being a “success” was hard work and not worth the effort, and that means I don’t try my best any more, so I keep missing our on being all I can be. This makes me really sad.

How have you tried to or succeeded in turning around these choices? What have you noticed within you as a result of this effect? i.e. Resources or attributes like courage. For example, I got a part time job to turn it around and met a great friend, and I also noticed that hard work is rewarding when I like what I do and that people appreciate my efforts.

What are the positive learnings you have made or could make as a result of these choices? For example, I learnt that people will support me if I put myself on the line and that sometimes hard work is good to do. I learnt that I like to help people. I learnt that I’m pretty good at woodwork.

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It’s now time to make new, empowering choices…

If everything in life came down to being a series of choices, would now be a good time to make choices that empower you? That make you happy? That would propel you closer to where you want your life to be?

Take the time right now to write down some new choices that will empower you , lead to new learnings, allow you to get rid of some things you have been to tolerating, give you the freedom to explore, to love, to learn, to grow. Write each new choice as… I now choose…

i.e I now choose to believe in myself

I now choose to have more fun

I now choose to take myself lightly

I now choose to share my smile with others.

I now choose to give myself a break

I now choose to laugh

I now choose to stay committed

I now choose to love my family even more

I now choose ...

What are the positive consequences of these choices? What will your life look like in three years? Five years? Ten years time if you keep making choices like this?