The Three Levels of Thinking

There are three levels at which we can be living our lives. Whichever level we decide to live determines the quality of our life. Whichever level we live our life is a choice.

Look at each of these levels and determine which level you are choosing to live. You may be living at different levels depending upon the area of your life you think about. For example, you may be living at Level 1 in health and level 3 in relationships.

Each of these levels is an archetype, and doesn;t portray everyone all of the time. We might spend some time at level 3 and some time at level 1, depending on where we are in our lives and what we are experiencing. We might even experience all three levels at the one time.

LEVEL 3 THINKING

Level 3 living is where we are invested in the stories of why we can’t, and these stories prevent us experiencing the results that we desire. A story is anything we tell ourselves to justify not creating transformation. For example, someone may say “I can’t be a successful saleperson because my parents never taught me how to communicate.” Or “I don’t success in relationships because my work is too important.’ Or  “may bad back stops me working.” Or “If you’d been abused like I was you wouldn’t be happy either.” Or “Life is hard and that’s why I don’t success.”

Anything that you tell yourself as a reason for not being able to act or to be happy is your story. It is what you drag around with you as you escape clause. I don’t say this to be harsh, because I have done this myself and I still do. Learning this stuff isn’t  a one-time deal. You don’t learn it and then everything is perfect in your life. We each need to hold ourselves accountable to being aware of when we buy into these stories. The story I dragged around for years was “I can’t be happy because I have too may issues from my past to deal with.

The amount of time you spend investing in your stories is the amount of time you aren’t investing in your life. The more time you spend at this level is less time you have to build your build your ideal life, because I have too many issues from my past to deal with.

People who live mostly at this level tend to wonder why they are stuck and can’t get on with their lives. They hope things will get better. They don’t believe in much because life has given them so little to believe in.

Level 3 living means taking responsibility when it is convenient and surrendering responsibility when the going gets tough.

Level 3 Living includes why we can’t be our ideal weight, have an extraordinary relationship, what we tell ourselves people have done “to us”, ill health, what we tell ourselves prevents us getting ahead i.e. not old enough, too old, not enough training, not enough education, not good enough parents, no money.In fac, that last story… not enough money… is one of the most sommon stories I hear.

Level 2 Thinking

If you are living at level 2 you are aware that there are some areas in your life that need changing but you’re not sure how to go about creating the change. You would experience confusion and self-doubt. Level 2 people create change for themselves if they are presented with how to turn things around. Level 2 people often think life could be better, but rather than just hoping it improves, like level 3 people, they seek out the answer, as long as they don’t have to change too much themselves.

Level 2 people might be into alternative remedies and alternative solutions, because the mainstream answers have proven disappointing. They might believe in astrology & psychics.

Whilst Level 2 people have stories they tell themselves about why their life isn’t exactly as they want it, they still experience levels of happiness and fulfillment. Their stories haven’t  become all they have, so their level of skepticism and disappointment in the world isn’t as ingrained as it might be for someone at level 3.

Someone at level 2 might take responsibility for some areas of their lives, especially the areas that they are good at or which they feel most comfortable. When they take responsibility they like how it feels and want to do it more.

Level 1 Thinking

Level 1 people know that it is entirely up to them what happens in their life. They hold themselves 100% responsible for the results they get, regardless of what the results might be, because they know that anything less is giving away their opportunity to affect change.

Someone living at Level 1 would never indulge in blame or justification, because they know that doing that simply stops them learning and growing from a situation. They know that through growing and learning they become even happier. They aren’t interested in who to blame, but rather how to turn the situation around.

Level 1 people feel gratitude for what they have in their lives, including their opportunities to learn and grow. They see problems as gifts for them to take their lives to the next level.

Someone at level 1 doesn’t bemoan the past, but has forgiven whoever they perceive harmed them, knowing that the act of forgiveness is a gift for themselves.

Level 1 living is an extraordinary level of self-responsibility. It isn’t about blame, but choice.

Level 1 living is about taking yourself lightly, and looking for the good in every situation.

Level 1 living embrace the five keys we are about to look at all of the time, not just when it is convenient.

Your aim is to live at level 1 as often as you possibility can. Your aim is live at level 1 not just when the going is good… anyone can do that… but especially when the going is tough. Extraordinary people live at level 1 regardless of  what is going on in their  lives, because they know that it isn’t the circumstances of their lives that shape them, but what they think and choose as a result of those circumstances.

• What level have you been living your life unit now? 
• What has living at that level cost you?

Oprah Winfrey grew up in the South of North America and says that the only evidence she has of anything except poverty was the books she read. She was sexually abused and has a miscarriage in her teens. You could argue that Oprah had some pretty good “stories” she could have dragged around as reasons for not living a full life. Maybe she still some stories we’re not aware of. But no one could say this woman has become anything except for an extraordinary example of what is possible,

The quality of your life is a direct reflection of how 

many stories you have chosen to cease indulging in.

Stories are anything we tell ourselves about, why we can’t be, do or have whatever we desire. For example, if you are shy and you use that as reason for not go for a promotion, that is your story. They question is, is your story for you or against you?

The only thing preventing us from be who want to be, doing what we want to do, and having what we want to have is the stories we tell ourselves about why we can’t

What stories have you indulged in until now Give details about what you tell yourself and others about why you can’t be, do, or have whatever you want.

You May want to revisit previous exercises over the next few days and add to the stories as you notice yourself using them. For example, it took me a while to realise that one of my stories was that people are in this world for themselves so no one will help me.  When I realised that is what I’d trunked began aligning themselves with me.

What have these stories prevented you from being, doing, or having?

Why would you let go of these stories right now? Give yourself as many compelling reasons as you can as to why you would dump these excuses. Write down what you would see, hear, feel and tell yourself if you dumped these stories once and for all.

If today was the first day of your life, and you could create any story you wanted for yourself about what you are capable of, what would you say? For example, once I had identified the story I had been carrying around about other people, I change it to "people align with others when they believe in them and when they can also achieve their goals. It's about creating a win/win outcome for us all."

Another story I dumped was that it's hard to succeed because I didn't have the ideal upbringing. My new story became "My life is entirely up to me."

Write new stories that will mean you are committing to living your life at ! regardless of the circumstances of your life. Make the commitment to live at Level 1 even when the going gets tough, knowing that as human beings is not our ability to shirk challenges but to handle them, thus settling an example to ourselves and to those around us.

The Power of Choice

Life is nothing more than a series of choices that we make for ourselves to meet our needs. even not choosing is a choice. Every choice we make has consequences, and these consequences can be empowering or disempowering. The important thing isn't to blame ourselves if we've made a poor choice, but to become aware of the choice, the thinking behind the choice, and to notice any patterns in our choices.

Once we've done that, we can see a blueprint for how we shape our life.

If we life the blueprint, we would keep our pattern of choice.

What are the choices you have made?

Take the time right now to write down the positive choice in your life today? What choices have made you happy, proud, joyful?  For example, I chose to marry john, I choose to start a business, I chose to get fit, I chose to learn more about myself…

I chose to…

What great things are in your life now because of these choices? For example, because I chose to marry John, I got to learn what unconditional love was, and I have a best friend and lover who supports me in everything i do.

Write down the choice you have made in the past in your life that you perhaps don’t like or don’t make you happy. What choices are you unhappy about?  For example, I chose to quit a job because I decided it was too hard, I chose to not take care of myself when I was stress...

What are the consequence you have noticed because of these negative choice? What have they cost you? For example, by not taking that job I convinced myself that being a “success” was hard work and not worth the effort, and that means I don’t try my best any more, so I keep missing our on being all I can be. This makes me really sad.

How have you tried to or succeeded in turning around these choices? What have you noticed within you as a result of this effect? i.e. Resources or attributes like courage. For example, I got a part time job to turn it around and met a great friend, and I also noticed that hard work is rewarding when I like what I do and that people appreciate my efforts.

What are the positive learnings you have made or could make as a result of these choices? For example, I learnt that people will support me if I put myself on the line and that sometimes hard work is good to do. I learnt that I like to help people. I learnt that I’m pretty good at woodwork.

.

It’s now time to make new, empowering choices…

If everything in life came down to being a series of choices, would now be a good time to make choices that empower you? That make you happy? That would propel you closer to where you want your life to be?

Take the time right now to write down some new choices that will empower you , lead to new learnings, allow you to get rid of some things you have been to tolerating, give you the freedom to explore, to love, to learn, to grow. Write each new choice as… I now choose…

i.e I now choose to believe in myself

I now choose to have more fun

I now choose to take myself lightly

I now choose to share my smile with others.

I now choose to give myself a break

I now choose to laugh

I now choose to stay committed

I now choose to love my family even more

I now choose ...

What are the positive consequences of these choices? What will your life look like in three years? Five years? Ten years time if you keep making choices like this?

Your Defining Moments

I've come to learn that what may seem of little consequence to one person can literally turn someone else's life inside out. i experienced the power of this when I was coaching a client recently.  They shared how a teacher had made fun of one of the students when they had been in school. This event had happened over thirty years ago, but my client remembered that event as being hugely significant in their life. Because of the teacher's seeming thoughtlessness, my client had become a teacher... they wanted to show the world that teachers can be kind.

One event, and an entire future shaped.

We all have significant emotional events in our past that have shaped who we have become and the choices we make. If it's important to you then it's important.

A defining moment in my past was when I became ill. I gave it was that I didn't have to work at a career, because I would be too sick to do a great job. That attitude kept me doing very little for years, long after the original level of debilitation had gone.

Another defining moment was when I realised I was thinking about killing myself. That wake up call go me realising that it wasn't life that had given up on me, it was me who had given up on life. After that moment, I did everything I could to learn how the keys to happiness. It became one of my primary focuses in life.

These moments altered my perception of myself. They had consequences on the choices I made in my life. Regardless of the accuracy of my perception of these events, they are real to me. Someone reading these defining moments and saying "She should have done this instead" has no relevance. It is only interpretation of these events that matters in my life.

The same as your interpretation of the events that shapes you only have relevance to you.

Some of our defining moments can be positive, and influence our choices in ways that empower us. They can inspire us and show us what we are truly capable of. Some events are going to be clearly negative, However, the meaning we give these events is entirely up to us.

Memory give us the ability to recall these events, but our ability to recall the events accurately is difficult. What we always keep, however is our feelings associated with the event. Recall a moment of exquisite joy in your life, and notice how the feeling is close by. Recall an event that caused you great sorrow, and the feelings of that sorrow are there.

Defining moments anchor our reactions to the world today. These significant events determine the feeling we have to the inevitable stresses and strains of our lives. This makes them essential to uncover and explore. Until we do this, we are separate from who we truly are.  How can we understand what motivates our choice unless we understand what created those choices in the first place.

Imagine that someone challenges you to do something you don’t want to do. What do you do? Your choice will be partly determined by what you did in your past that resulted in a strong emotional response. perhaps in the past you were punished for not doing it. How will that influence how you respond today? Perhaps you were praised for standing up for yourself. Your reaction will be different.

For this exercise to be truly effective, make sure you recall as many specific memories as you can. Facts, feeling, beliefs need to be fully described as much as you can. It helps to recall the what you told yourself. If you can include what you smelt and what you tasted in your mouth.

Ideally, aim for at least eight significant emotional events, or defining moments.

1. Where are you as this event occurs? How old are you and what do you look like?
2. Who is with you?
3. What occurs that makes this event a defining moment?
4. What are the emotions you are noticing you are feeling?  
5. How would you change this situation if you could?
6. If someone asked you what you would want to say at this moment, what would you say? Who would you say it to? How would you want them to respond?
7. What are you telling yourself about this event? About Yourself? About the other people?  About what this means to you?
8. What is it that you need right now?

Once you have done this for the first event, answer these question:

1. What feelings are you noticing you are experiencing right now?
2. What are you telling yourself about that event right now?
3. What did you give up, what did you surrender, in the form of power and self determination, as a consequence of this event, if it was negative?
4. If the event was positive, what did you gain? What did you discover about yourself that you still call on?

Do this for each of your defining moments, and once you have completed this part of the exercise, check to see if there is another significant emotional event that you hadn't noticed, that now needs to be added.

If you have been honest with the exercise, you will have identified moments that have become important in the development of who you believe you are and what you believe you are capable of.

Now for each defining moment. ask yourself what aspect of your self was affected by this moments? Write at least a paragraph for each moment…

Maybe it was your belief in your belief in your ability to be loved, or it caused you to question your intelligence. Perhaps one of your defining moments led you to doubt your ability to stand up for yourself.

Now write down where you  were in terms of that dimension before the event, and then after.

For example, a defining moment for me was when I became ill. The aspect of self that as touched by this event was my sense of confidence about the world. I decided it was a harsh place. Before my illness, I’d been fun loving. During the illness that stopped and I became untrusting of the world.

Once you have done this, write a paragraph to describe what the long-term effect are of that moment. What have you decided to believe as a result of this event?

The long term effect of my illness for the longest time was that I would play it safe, stay out of life’s way, stay invisible, and play small. I decided that it was all too hard and I was better off not even trying. The consequence of that was at least ten years of frustration and disappointment with myself.

I developed the attribute of blaming life and others for what was or wasn’t happening in my life. I developed the habit of finding fault in everything around me, instead of taking responsibility for what was happening.

The first time I did this exercise, I realise how distorted my view of the world had become because of an event that had happened years before. I was shocked to discover that I had let an illness play such a powerful and influential role in my life, even when the illness itself no longer affected me on a daily basis.

The next thing to do is to take the time to ask yourself why this defining moment contributed to your sense of self. Once you have done that, write down whether you now think or believe this view of yourself, of the world, of those around you is accurate.

The reason I believe (remember this is only my interpretation, you might have has an illness as a defining moment and record a totally different reason) my illness became a defining moment for me was because of the lack of control I felt I had over it. I felt I had no influence over body, almost as if it was my enemy. And if my body couldn't be on my team, then who could?

I believe this view was distorted and inaccurate. I now believe that the view I chose meant I didn't have to take responsibility for my life, and instead could turn over the reins to others.

Now write what that old distorted view has cost you>

The cost to me of my old beliefs is missing out on life and love for at least a decade. It also cost me friends who didn't want to be around someone so negative. It cost me income, because I spent years at home telling myself it was too hard to get a job with this illness. It cost me my self confidence, my happiness, my sense of self.

Write down why it’s time to now change your interpretation of this event to something that supports you and your concept of who you want to be instead? What will your belief become now?

When I got to this part of this exercise, I cried because it finally occurred to me what I had sacrificed to keep such a limiting sense of self. I had given up almost everything to stay safe and live a life of lack.

I realised that there was no way I was going to keep my original interpretation of this event. No way. It had to change because if it didn't I was going to end up dead. If I didn’t change it was going to spend the rest of my life playing it small and complaining about how disappointing the world is. It had to change because if it didn't I was going to lose whatever I had left, which included a loving husband. It had to change because he deserved so much more that I was giving him.

I decided to believe that whatever limits my illness forced on me, there was still a way to live an extraordinary life. My limits weren't my illness, but were those of my mind.

Remember when you do this exercise that you were younger that you are now when your defining moments occurred. For many of you your events will be in childhood. You gave meaning to those events as a child doing the best you could to survive, to be loved and to belong. You did what you needed to to avoid feeling.

You are older now; you can look back on these events knowing that the person you are now is capable of making decisions not just based on what will cause the least fear, but on what will support you.

If your defining moments are when you were a child, then acknowledge the child you were, making decision as best you could.

Now acknowledge yourself for the new empowering choices you can make today.

The choice is yours. An extraordinary life means making extraordinary decisions. Only you have power to choose.

Once you have decided on your new empowering beliefs it’s important to keep them close to you, at least for the first month. I laminated mine and placed them in my wallet, so each time I reached for money I was reminded of what I now chose to believe.

If you find yourself reverting back to the old limiting and destructive beliefs, then answer this question:

What is the pay off for me of playing at this level? For example, if you choose to keep the belief that I am too shy to talk to anyone, your payoff might be that by keeping that belief you don’t have to make the effort with anyone, which prevents you from feeling the fear that you might not belong, or that you won’t be loved.

My payoff is?

Now, write down the benefits of letting go of this destructive choice.

Once you've done that, ask yourself, is that something you really want to change? Why? The amazing thing is that some people, no matter how much it costs them to hang onto a painful or destructive belief, will still keep it. They would rather feel the pain of what they know than risk the pain of the unknown. Even though the unknown is only going to stay unknown until they decide to explore it.

Note: It’s worth revisiting this exercise at least once a year. You will notice that your beliefs have changed and need to be updated to include the new level that you are now living your life.

I discovered after a year that what I had thought was difficult to believe to believe in the beginning… that I can do whatever I put my mind to…had become more of a reality for me than I had ever dreamed possible.

Emotions: Patterns of Feelings/Patterns of Choice

Positive psychology has discovered that there is a clear link between the emotional states we choose to experience on a consistent basis and the quality of our lives.

The key distinction here is to appreciate that emotion are not random feeling that happen by chance... emotions are things we do.

We do happiness
We do sadness
We do depression
We do anger

There are over 3,000 emotion and we choose which ones we will do depending on which needs we want to meet and our habitual choice.

We must alway remember that there is enormous power in emotion... the foundation of happiness, joy, love, passion, and fulfillment comes from our willingness to choose our emotions with volition.

Experiencing any emotion is our first choice.

Our second choice is to decide to revisit that emotion... if it is resourceful and sustainable.

It's about being willing to develop the emotional muscles that will assist us in creating our ideal life.

Examples of empowering emotions include happiness, contentment, certainty, passion, joy, love, creativity, stimulated, curious, excited, bubbling, energised, impassioned, serene, fascinated, fun-loving, vibrant, exuberant, charged, determined, comfortable, resourceful, gratefulness, compassion, forgiveness...

Examples of disempowering emotions include frustrated, angry, afraid, confused, impatient, irritated, lonely, nervous, scared, terrified, embarrassed. harried, overwhelmed, stressed exhausted, jealous, lost disgusted, stupid, terrible, down, depressed, petrified, indifferent, bored, judgement, devastated, miserable...

"Take charge of your emotions for they will take hold and mould your life."

Take a moment to answer these question:

• What empowering/resourceful emotions do you most often feel?
• How do you notice you hold your body when you do these emotion?
• What do you focus on when you do these emotion?
• If you like and want to continue to experience certain of these emotion, what could you do with your body, with your thoughts, with your focus to keep doing them?
• What disempowering/unresourceful emotions do you most often feel?
• How do you notice you hold your body when you do these emotion?
• What do you focus on when you do these emotions?
• If you dislike and no longer want to continue to experience certain of these emotions, what could yo do with your body, with your thoughts, with your focus to change doing them to other more resourceful emotions?
• What have you learned from doing this exercise?
• What emotional states will you commit to experiencing on a consistent basis from now on> 
• How is doing this commitment going to benefit you, your life, and those arounf you?

How to Lead the Dance with Fear... And Win

Unless you give yourself a compelling reason why you would want to give this up, you will stay with you current dance partner. With a big enough reason why, we can accomplish anything.

The secret to letting go of the fear is to give yourself such a compelling reason that no matter what, you wouldn't go back to that no  matter what, you wouldn't go back to that old choice.

• What is your greatest fear?
• How has this fear benefited you in the past? i.e. what has it kept you safe from?
• What has it cost you in the past?
• What is it costing you now?
• What will is cost you in the future? In one year? I five years? In ten year?
• What will letting this fear run you cost those whom you love?
• Why would you choose to be free of this fear now? Answer this question with total intensity. Really connect with why you must choose to be free of this fear right now. Imagine all of the benefits of choosing to let it go. 

Make a commitment right now to no longer let that fear run your life. Decide now that you will run your life. What does this mean you will now do differently? What are you now willing to attempt or experience or let go of with this level of commitment?

Everyone feels fear when approaching something totally new in their lives...Yet still people are out there "doing it."  So fear isn't the problem..."

What is Your Relationship with Fear?

Fear is an inevitable companion.

Many people live their lives saying they'll take a step forward when they're not so scared, or when they have more confidence. Then they find they never take the step because the fear never fades and their confidence never goes up... it even goes down.

They've got it the wrong way round.

Waiting for the fear to pass is like waiting for the sun to not come up. Fear is an inevitable part of who we are. We are hard wired to experience it. We have a neurological fear system in our brains which once helped us survive but which now limits our lives. According to Doctor Dan Baker in "you're Only Six Steps Away From Happiness", this fear system is the repository for  past trauma and pain, current anxiety, fear of what is to come and archaic instinctual terrors.

We needed this in the early epochs of mankind, because  it kept us alive. It gave us the capacity to spring into action whenever we see or sensed threat. This is how we survived, but as a consequence we became hardwired for hard times.

The fact that most of us in the Western world are no longer in threat of extinction doesn't change our wiring. The desire for flight or fight remains within us.

Courage... or confidence... is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to take action despite it. In fact, we can't learn courage unless we take action. If we wait for courage to arrive before we will act we're doomed never to feel it. This is the ultimate paradox. We need to do the thing to realise we have the courage and resources within us.

What do we fear?
Our fears are always the same:
Fear of not being loved
Fear of not being good enough, and
Fear of not belonging.

These constant fears are what keep us playing it safe. They keep us from shinning, stepping up, taking risk, experimenting, making mistakes... living.

Whenever we put avoiding fear ahead of our true desires, we're preventing ourselves from truly appreciating and loving our lives.

The types of fear we experience can be further broken down into three levels. The first level is the fear of what is going to happen, for example, old age.

Example of level 1 Fear

• Death
• Accidents
• Being alone
• Losing financial security
• Losing a loved one
• Illness
• Children leaving us

The second types of fear are those that require action, such as making a decision. 

Examples of Level 2 Fear:

• Making friends
• Asserting oursselves
• Driving
• Ending a relationship
• Beginning a relationship
• Losing weight
• Public speaking
• Intimacy 

The Third type of fear are those that involve inner states of mind. They are a reflecting of our ability to manage the world.

Examples of Level 3 Fears:

• Rejection
• Success
• Failure
• Being vulnerable
• Being powerless
• Disapproval
• Being judged
• Losing our image or being 'exposed'

Whatever category of fear we believe we are experiencing, at it core will be an emotional state. Ultimately, whatever state we fear feeling is going to fall into the categories of not belong, not being loved, not being good enough.

For example, if you fear public speaking it may be because you don't want to make a fool of yourself or appear silly, which is a state. You might not want to feel silly because then you would fear being rejected by the group... or not belonging.

You may fear losing a relationship because you don't want to be alone, because if you were alone then you would fear you weren't lovable. 

You may fear change because you fear not being able to handle it when it comes. Your fear is that you won't be good enough. You may even fear change because you might fail at whatever it takes to manage the change, which would mean you would fear being judged... which would mean you would fear not belonging, not being loved, and not being good enough. 

No wonder people find change hard to deal with. 

The Two Paradoxes of Fear

Paradox One

The truth is yo can handle everything that comes your way, you've just conditioned yourself to not know this because then none of your wont fears have nay danger of coming true. Or do they?

Isn't it true that the more you focus on not having something happen, the more your ultimate fear seems more real?

For example, have you ever desperately wanted someone to stay in your life, and the more you've clung to that the further you've pushed them away, leading to you feeling unloved, not good enough and as if you didn't belong?

Paradox Two

The second paradox of fear is that the more we try to escape our fear the more we experience them. 

Yet we still play the same games over and over. We play it safe in love to avoid rejection to avoid not being loved, and this never experience the joy of giving love. 

We play it safe by not being vulnerable so that we don't appear foolish and thus never get to truly connect with someone, guaranteeing we don't feel loved or that we belong. 

We play it safe hanging onto the little financial security we have for fear if we lose it we'll have nothing, only to never seem to get ahead,and never feel we're truly "made it"... and so feel that we're somehow not good enough. 

Every day, playing out the dance of fear, letting fear lead us on a never ending cycle of disappointment or mediocrity.

Until we eventually ask: is this all there is? Is my life really only going to amount to an okay job, with friends who don't really mind if I don't call, mediocre health and a feeling like I'll never get off the treadmill?

There has to be a better way. There has to be a way to take action, and to be willing to take risk, and feel great about it. 

On some level, your dance with your greatest fears has given you a  "payoff" or a benefit. It might have kept you safe from hurt, or from rejection, from failure. whatever its benefit, this is the reason you let the fear run your life, instead of you running it.

"The coward dies a thousand deaths, the courageous man only once."

Exploring What You Believe to Be True About the World

Beliefs are feelings of certainty about what something means. We all have thousands of beliefs that perhaps aren't even aware of. Some of these beliefs support us in our journey creating our ideal life, other beliefs hold us back and even sabotage us.

For example, the belief that all people are out to get you... what kind of life do you think a person with this belief would experience? Compare that person's experience with someone  who believes all people have within them the capacity for kindness. Do you think they would experience people differently?

Do you think each of these people would experience different qualities of relationships?

In this belief audit take the time to write down what you feel is true about these questions. Don't  think too much about what your writing...if you can write what comes to mind, rather than what you think a "good" answer would be, you'll get more value from this exercise later on.

• What is life about?
• What is life not about?
• What is the purpose of life?
• What are relationships?
• What are relationships not?
• How do you experience love?
• What stresses you in life?
• What is effortless?
• What is difficult?
• What is work? What isn't
• Who are you really?
• Who could you be?
• What would it take to be who you could be?
• What's most important to you in life?
• What do you love?
• What are you passionate about?
• Who do you love? Who loves you?
• What do you want from life?
• What do you prefer to avoid in life?
• What has to happen for you to feel happy?
• What makes you scared?
• What makes you angry?
• What makes you feel loved?
• Why did you pick your significant other?
• If you're not in an intimate relationship, what would drive you to choose someone?
• How do you meet your need for comfort?
• For adventure?
• For uniqueness?
• For love?
• For growth?
• For contribution?